Planning your Wedding -- Dodging Dragons and Slaying Monsters

Every bride envisions her own version of a storybook wedding--with her shining knight, ladies in waiting, and revelry in the banquet hall. But she doesn't always consider the dragons, aliens and two-headed beasts that may be lurking in the shadows. Fortunately, they are easy to slay, and bury forever, if you know what to watch out for.

The Alien

Not long after the engagement, when the planning starts, the shadowy alien first sneaks up-- and continues to pop in and out from time to time.

It showed up soon after one young couple had plunked down a hefty deposit on a reception site. The two had not yet discussed their wedding plans with anyone else, so when their parents learned of the location, they did some research. What they found was that the only entrance to the reception hall was three flights up a circular staircase. This alone would very effectively limit the guest list--starting with the grandparents. Fortunately, since the couple had started planning early, the event was moved to a more accessible location. It all worked out, but better communication with family members could have prevented the problem in the first place.

Don't put off discussing finances with your partner, your parents (especially if they will be paying for the wedding) and your wedding party. An early heads up gives everyone time to budget and to start setting aside enough money to pay the expenses associated with a wedding. Be aware that this core group of guests may need to take time off from work well in advance. Are all members of your bridal party financially able to bear the expenses of travel and formal attire? Be considerate of their finances and work schedules.

It is a good idea to send a "save the date" letter to out-of-town guests so that they can start making plans to attend your wedding. One bride sent out "Send-o-matic" e-mail notices but some were rejected as spam because the groom's relatives didn't recognize the last name of the sender.

A better alternative would have been to send a letter or e-mail, with an engagement photo, to her future relations. While extending an informal wedding invitation, she could have introduced herself with a congenial "looking forward to meeting you" attitude.

Keep the lines of communication open with your key players and everything will go smoother.

The Dragon

The most conspicuous monster you are likely to encounter is the dragon of procrastination. Unless you plan well and start early, it will be breathing fire down your neck.

Formulate your perfect wedding early but be realistic. There is much to take into consideration. You must have some idea of the guest list in order to determine the size of the reception and ceremony sites. An outdoor ceremony on a mountaintop might be spectacular, but would your elderly family members be able to attend? Even the date you choose can affect the outcome. Off-season rates may provide substantial savings but could also make it more difficult for families to attend. Build upon a foundation of straightforward communication--and do your homework--because the initial planning can be challenging.

Your reception and ceremony sites should be booked as soon as possible, usually one year in advance. It is not unusual for wedding venues to start receiving inquiries during the previous wedding season. Start contacting your other service providers--caterer, photographer, florist, musicians or DJ, and rental company, six to nine months in advance. These are "first come-first served" businesses. Book early and don't be disappointed.

Choosing a wedding dress, for example, is not as simple as choosing a dress from off the rack and walking home with the purchase. A bridal gown store manager told of a bride who came into the shop on Thursday to buy her wedding gown for Saturday--two days later. Unbelievably, a dress was found for her but there was no time for alterations and her choices were very limited.

Every wedding service provider has had to come to the rescue of brides who forgot something--the cake that was never ordered or the prime rib dinner with no steak knives. Things usually work out in the end, but the outcome could have been more pleasant and much less stressful for everyone.

The Two-headed Monster

Perhaps planning your wedding seems too overwhelming. Outside of hiring a wedding planner there are alternatives, but beware the two-headed monster.

The first aspect of this beast causes you to take on more than you can handle.

The ceremony was hours away and, instead of taking a bath and getting dressed, one bride was at the reception site worrying over details. She had taken on the burden of planning and carrying out most of the specifics, and, although she had asked for some help, she wasn't good at managing and now found herself frazzled. Another couple hadn't asked anyone to help with their reception. Instead of celebrating with friends and family, and enjoying their day, they were rushing around trying to serve their guests.

There was a time when the mother of the bride commandeered the wedding preparations, but these days many couples are paying for their own weddings and want the wedding to reflect who they are. We couldn't agree more with that attitude. However, unless you thrive on crises, choose someone (or several people) you trust and can work with. Involve them in the planning process, then delegate to them responsibilities for the day before and day of the wedding. Let them manage last minute details while you prepare yourself for your big day.

In so many weddings, however, the other head of the monster takes over; the bride and groom lose control to some indomitable relative, and the whole event seems to take on a mind of its own. What was meant to be an intimate, relaxed affair with best friends and close family explodes into something entirely foreign to the guests of honor. With a little tact and plenty of resolve you can still have the wedding that you envision.

Plan early and well; keep close tabs on the preparations without overburdening yourself; stay in close touch with everyone involved, and you should prevent unwelcome visits from monsters bent on ruining your special day.